Concept of Relativity

Epiphany. Big word. Its usually associated with a huge realization too. Something that just puts pieces into place. Something that just completes a set thoughts that seemed unrelated just a moment ago. Sometimes it just rotates the whole thought process in the opposite direction. When you have friends that are much smarter than you, these epiphanies are a more common occurrence. You talk to them thinking you would popose your novel way of thinking and they listen to you and reply in the same discussion vein without even the slightest realization that what they just told you in normal conversation just turned your way of thinking on its head or atleast gave it a nice spin.

But why am I talking about epiphanies when the topic is relativity. I suppose I should start the story. Ever since I was a kid I have always been on the leaner side. Pretty soon I was at the bottom of the pile among my friends when it came to the kilogram scale. Now I will not romanticize the the fact of being the leanest in a group. Its seldom fun. But what it did do was to give me the opportunity to see a unique phenomena. Well I guess its not unique but you only get to see it at the bottom of a chain. The person just above you always finds solace in the fact that he is second from last. That he is not the bottom of the pile. Every new group of people I met, the second leanest person always was the one who pointed out my lack of fat more than any other. I guess they found relief in my misery (or atleast that's what they convinced themselves). As I grew older, this became a more visible pattern and I observed it in other walks of life too. People somehow are always relieved if they are not last. Even though technically they are no good but they find relief in besting atleast some others. My emotions towards these folk changed from annoyance to irritation to finally pity as I grew older.

But, I think somewhere along the line we all develop this concept of relativity. If we don't do very well in an endeavor then we look at other who did not do well either and gain solace from their misery. I think somewhere along the line though, even after being a part of such interactions for ever I too developed a similar concept. I called it the concept of relativity. I would very sagely say to anyone who would hear that circumstances are always relative. There is always someone better or worse. You can look towards any of them depending on how you want to feel about your situation.

This is where the epiphany part comes in. When traveling by train with a very good friend we were discussing academics and personal life. Even though I was bombing academically, when you combined it with personal happiness I was doing a lot better than many of my counter parts who were miserable personally inspite of good grades. I started explaining how atleast I was taking full advantage of my time to have adequate fun as compared to others who were just sitting and complaining. I was all ready to propose my concept of relativity again. But she had been listening to my rant like she usually does and then talked about one of her experiences. She told about her conversation with a person with no legs and how difficult it must be. But, the guy replied atleast I don't suck like the ones who have no legs and feet. Imagine how much it would suck to be them. Suffice it to say my friend was aghast at that attitude. She very simply asked me if maybe I was doing the same thing. If maybe I was the guy with no legs who still thought atleast he was better than a person with no limbs at all. I replied by saying that I was comparing myself with others not to feel better because of their misery but because I wanted to not be like them. For me it was about motivation rather than wallowing in shared misery. It was one of those moments when you yourself realize you have said something really smart. She thought so too I guess because she actually wrote my rohanism down ;).

But this is what your smart friends do to you. They extract these insightful thoughts out of you, but still leave you with doubts. But this is what I relish. This is what I feel is the best part about having them around. Life would be so much simpler if you were surrounded by people as dumb as as yourself. But smarter ones make life interesting. They challenge and disagree with your way of thinking without intending too. That conversation left me in a similar place. Even though I seemed to have convinced my friend, I wasn't sure I had convinced myself.

But, the great thing about that conversation is that ever since that day, I have pretty much abandoned my silly concept of relativity. Now every time I compare myself in a situation, I take a moment to figure out the reasons for which I am doing it. Ever since that day, I have tried to follow that smart rohanism I uttered out of nowhere. For the most part, it has helped :)